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Author: kabom Subject: Confused by the process
idou
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Registered: 11-08-2010
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posted on 11-08-2010 at 21:38 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Confused by the process

I've had contact with a few Russian women now, and feel kind of confused by the process.

One of these women, she has Skype text available so we kind of spent multiple days just chatting and almost talking all day, and joking around and things seemed great. But something seemed odd in that while she was always very nice, and responded to everything I wrote her, and every subtle question I would ask made it seem she is interested in me, it felt like she wasn't initiating any of the discussion, or asking me any questions. So I did a test, I didn't contact her. Eventually after three days of seeing she was online, then she finally sent a message and said hi. So we've kept talking, but I still have that odd feeling that I have to carry all the conversation.

Another woman I am talking to, but via email, I don't think she gets online very much because it is quite a few days between letters, she also writes me very nice letters, but oh so short and brief, and also doesn't ask any questions. I even pointed her to some of those "questions for couples" lists you find, and she said she found the questions fun, but didn't actually ask me any of them.

Another woman asked a ton of fantastic questions, but even though I know she has internet access both at home and at work, she would take almost a week to respond.

I mean, you would think if you've got yourself up on the internet with the idea that you will leave your homeland and travel to the other side of the world to marry someone you barely know, you must be pretty serious firstly and therefore you would be making it a priority in your life to respond to men, and also you would want to be asking a lot of important questions. I don't think it is because they aren't really interested in me, because what they write indicates otherwise. And they all appear to have pretty good English, so it isn't that.

I have a suspicion that maybe their entire reasoning is that they just want to correspond until they can convince a man to go visit them in person, and THEN they will take the process seriously. Which is understandable in a way, but on the other hand I don't feel like bothering to go visit a woman who doesn't seem to be fully engaged from the beginning.

What do people think? Maybe I just need to talk to more women? Is my experience typical? Can anyone get me into their heads?

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e-rw
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posted on 11-14-2010 at 00:50 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
getting inside shoes

It's easy - I really can do it. For those Russian women (the ones who are really interested in Western men) - you and other men are just strangers. They do not know your goals and your intentions - all they try to do and have the time to do is to be nice with you. Who the heck told you this stuff about the questions?

There are tons of men who will never go futher those endless emails and online messages. (Maybe you are the one from them). There are men who will even visit Russian woman to find out that there is no chemistry or no future for some reason.

And among this crowd of men, who are not able to do something really interesting and original - you are another whimperer asking for help. You got it. Maybe not in the way you expected.
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Jayfro
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posted on 11-17-2010 at 16:51 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Here is the answer...you need to GO THERE!

I understand your confusion, but you should understand that no matter how much you talk to someone over emails, chatting, or other online methods, you will never know if you have chemistry or not. Also, I would avoid the girls who don't ask you any questions. The woman who asks you questions but takes time to reply to you is most likely someone who works, is busy, and doesn't get a chance to check and write emails often. That is understandable. Some of these women have to go to internet cafes just to get online.

It also does not make sense to take the time and money to travel to another country to just meet one woman, or even a few women, you have been talking to. What if you get there and immediately realize you don't have any chemistry? It just isn't a smart approach.

The only way to find a suitable partner from another country is to go there on some kind of group tour. When you go on one of these international dating tours, you will be introduced to as many women as you want to meet and you can even choose to go on private dates with whichever girls you think you would like and get along with.

It's often called sending "endless emails," when you continue to correspond with these women for long periods of time with no intention of visiting them.

If you begin chatting with a foreign women, and she knows that you are serious about going to her country to meet the love of your life, she will give you the attention you are looking for. These women do not want to chat online with men who are not serious and will never actually come to meet them in person.

It's a mistake to travel there for one woman, like a said before. Do NOT try to make your own trip to meet women in these countries.

There are respectable tour companies like Elena's models and A Foreign Affair that will take you on an all-inclusive trip to the country of your choice, will let you meet any of the women who have signed up with their service and live in that area, and will also take you to socials where you can meet hundreds of girls. Guys who go on these tours say its the best time they've ever had and meet so many smart sexy and sweet girls.

Make sure you do your research and choose the best country and tour company, and be open to meet lots of girls, not just the ones you've been talking to. Good luck!

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idou
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posted on 11-18-2010 at 03:56 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
A reply to self....

I just wanted to add a reply to myself. Since I wrote the above I started talking to another woman who seems to be everything I could hope for in terms of being engaged and enthusiastic and dare I say romantic about the communication. So anybody reading this coming after me, I would say keep looking if you encounter what I did.

Jayfro: maybe you are right, I don't know. I kind of figure if I go there to meet her, and we realise it is no good, I can always roll up at a local agency, meet some other women and it wouldn't be a total loss. I don't know if it is any easier to pick a woman face to face. Maybe there is some sense in which her real sweetness is more visible in written form. But then I'm new to this, and I take on board your advice.

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Jayfro
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posted on 11-18-2010 at 10:29 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Congrats on your new interest....

I am glad you have found a woman who seems like she is really interested in finding a true relationship. Definitely keep up your conversation and keep asking her question after question; you can never know too much about the person you might spend the rest of your life with.

As far as your plan to visit, you can definitely meet her and sign up with an agency in person if it doesn't work out, but I would advise against this simply because you will already have paid to travel there on your own and will have to pay for the agency services on top of that. If you have limitless amounts of money to spend, well, more power to you. Most guys don't.

A lot of guys think they are saving money by going on their own to meet just one or two girls, but really they are spending the same amount they would for an agency tour, but without the included hotel, food, tours, transportation, translation services, socials, introductions, etc. I think if you want to go visit this woman you have been talking to, you should still consider going with an agency tour.

As far as what you said about not knowing if meeting in person is better or worse than online, I can 100% tell you that it is better. You can chat with someone for days and even months without knowing if you have any chemistry.

I heard a story about a guy who spend thousands of dollar talking to a woman through an online service and decided to go meet her after like a year of talking. When he asked her where she wanted to meet, she suggested meeting at a bar. He thought it was a bit odd, since it was 10am. When he walked up to meet her, she was smoking a cigarette and drinking a martini. Right then and there he knew everything he had learned about this woman didn't matter, there was no future for them. He had no idea she was like this before he traveled to meet her.

Don't let this happen to you. If you travel somewhere yourself, you will be paying thousands to fly, get a hotel, eat, etc. If you meet her and there is no chemistry in person, how are you going to afford an agency after you've already paid to get there? If I were you, I would still go with an agency because a lot of times they will end up being the same price.

Good Luck!
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Greggo
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posted on 11-25-2010 at 13:01 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Reply to lack of questions post

I have had a very similar experience with a woman I have been emailing in the Ukraine for the past couple of months. She does not ask a lot of questions of me. She is terrific about answering all of my questions, which leads me to the conclusion that maybe she isn't that interested in me by the lack of questions. But I have heard that Russian and Ukrainian women are raised very strict and are taught not to ask a lot of personal questions of men, and that it is rude to do so. I have heard one story about a couple that were corresponding for quite a long time and finally the man was very put off by the fact that the women never once asked him about his divorce and thought that it would be a very obvious question for a women to inquire about. He finally broke off the writing because of it. The women was very upset about it and wrote that if he did not want to take the time to learn about their culture and how they were raised then maybe he shouldn't be writing to foreign women.
After hearing that story I have decided to learn all I can about their culture to better understand them. I also have decided to give the woman I have been writing to the benefit of the doubt and wait for a face to face meet before passing judgment on her and why she doesn't ask a lot of questions. I have also seen in other womens profiles on the dating sites that they would answer all questions but were not good at initiating letters and asking questions. I think the proof of that is when writing to these Russian/Ukrainian women that they usually will not write to you unless you have written to them first, if you go a few days you will find that they usually will not write to you unless you once again send them a letter.

I think what we all need to remember here is that it is great to write to these beautiful women but the only true way to find out if they are right for us is a face to face meeting and I agree with others on this forum that don't plan a trip just to meet one woman, plan on meeting and dating many before you plan that trip. I mean how many times have we dated in America and fell in love with the first woman we dated? I haven't anyway, it usually takes many dates with many different women before we find the right one.

Good luck to everyone and I would love to hear any feedback.

GregText
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Pool_55
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posted on 12-01-2010 at 11:07 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Good advice Greggo

I think that your advice about learning anything and everything you can about their culture is right on. People tend to assume they know how people should act because they assume they should act just like them. In reality, even people in different cities in the same state will have differences.

If you are going to travel to meet a woman in another country, the least you could do is learn about her culture and the world you will be traveling into. It will especially help you when you are first corresponding with the women. As you can see, a lot of guys tend to be offended when they don't hear back sooner than they do, but it might just be part of their culture. I'm sure a lot of guys jump the gun when it comes to cultural differences and labeling them as things they are not, so if we learn as much as we can before we get involved with it, the entire experience will improve.
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fanky
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posted on 08-03-2011 at 00:17 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
asd

In advanced driving courses we found this method highly useful. Another important note is to use your mirrors!
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kabom
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posted on 08-10-2011 at 21:15 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
ASC

Here is a sort of original song by me , it is inspired by under my thumb by the stones..but there lyric is about dominating the woman , mine is how married men or men in a relationship although they say differntly to there mates like that a woman controls part of there lives and makes them better men and actually quite like being under her thumb
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